Gan Eden is going out of business!!!

I was very sad to learn today that Gan Eden wines are going out of business. I first tried their wines several years ago at a friend's house and fell in love. Their Late Harvest Geuwirtzaminer is one of the few good wines that my wife will drink (she likes em' sweet) and their cab is pretty good too. If you live in pretty much any other state aside from NY, you can order from their website.

Good luck to the Winchell family in the future endevours, and thanks for making such a fine Kosher wine for all these years.

No I will have to hang on to my stash of their Geuwirtzaminer, and refrain from giving them away as gifts when we get invited for meals.

Tragedy and Comedy

As my wife designed the label for our Shalach Manot baskets, she decided to put the Comedy and Tragedy masks on them as a graphic. Seeing that Purim is one of the happiest days on the Jewish calendar, the Comedy mask seemed very fitting, but I initially had my doubts about the Tragedy mask. How is Purim a tragic event? Sure, it was almost tragic, but the tragedy was avoided? But after hearing the megillah both last night and this morning, and after putting Purim into perspective with some recent events, I decided that the tragedy mask was not so out of place after all. But please don't consider me a naysayer, and hear me out as I explain why.

One of the gifts that my older son, Mitch, received for his 3rd birthday was a Pushke or charity box. We quickly realized that this gift was a great way to teach him the concept of charity. While the concept of charity in general is a bit difficult to explain to a three-year-old, the notion of giving charity on behalf of the ill or despondent has seemed to stick. Each night before bedtime, we give Mitch a couple of coins to put into his Pushke. Sometimes he will put it straight in, and other ocassions he will recite the names of friends and family members who we want to get better. Good or bad, this underscores the notion of giving to charity on behalf of the sick to add to their merits and return them to good health. One of the people who we mention by name is Plonit (not her real name, lest I draw the ire of my wife). Plonit is going to be three in June, but is battling leukemia. Mitch has only met her once, as she lives a bit far away, but he knows of her, as he knows of his many other occasional friends that happen to be the children of Mommy or Daddy's friends.

There hasn't been a week gone by since she's been diagnosed that the Mrs. and I thank G-d for the common colds and ear infections that our kids have. I will take 1000 runny noses over an ounce of the other diseases any day. Last night, after putting a coin in his Pushke for Plonit to get better, Mitch asked me -'Daddy, why is Plonit sick?' For the first time in my life, but definitely not the last, my son had asked me a question that I couldn't answer - not just with an explanation for him, but with an understanding for myself. I wish I could have said to him - 'Daddy wants to know too' - but I just let it go.

In the same vein, there were two more tragedies going on in the news this week - one local, and one national. The local tragedy happened just across the Hudson River from us in Teaneck, NJ. A Jewish woman, a single mother no less, lost four of her seven children in a house fire. She herself remains in critical condition. In addition to having had some business dealings with her ourselves (we used her nanny placement agency) several of my wife's friends in the area knew her well, as their children were classmates. It is a hard enough pill to swallow when small children are killed in terror attacks, violent crimes, or genocide. Yet in those cases, part of the rationale is that they were killed by 'Bad People'. How does this type of tragedy translate? One of our friends' 5-year-old son came home and said to his mom - 'Mommy, Noah was killed in a fire - why did G-d create fire if it was so bad?' This tragedy marred an traditionally happy week in the Jewish community as many parents struggle to explain the deaths of children to their own children even though their own questions about it remain unanswered.

The national tragedy is that of Terri Schiavo. It seems that everyone has a side in the story or an angle to it. It seems that every last politician is milking poor miss Schiavo's situation for his or her own media gains. I do not want to weigh in on the matter just to say that for a woman who has survived for years after a serious brain injury, starving her to death seems to be an unusually cruel way for her to go.

But I digress, how does this all tie back to Purim? Or the combination of Tragedy and Comedy contained therein? To get the answer my friends, we literally need to read the 'Whole Megillah' (pun very much intended, after all, it is Purim :) ).

The story of the megillah plays out like a soap opera, or even a Seinfeldian-style sitcom - a bunch of unrelated stories - the death of Queen, the selection of a nice Jewish girl as queen, the foiling of a murder plot, the rise to power of an evil adviser to the king, and his rivalry with the leader of the Jewish Nation. They all seem unrelated at first, but then in the later chapters it all comes together. I have always found it interesting that Mordechai and Esther - two very strong Jewish figures - question apparent coincidences - 'How do we know that this is not the reason that you were appointed queen?' ask Mordechai of Esther as she debates going unnannounced to the King. He informs her that if she fails, success and salvation of the Jews will come from another source. Yes, we all know how the Megillah ends, but is it just me who finds this interesting that (at least literally) Mordechai and Esther have their doubts as to the outcome?

I also find it interesting that while most of the Megillah is read with an upbeat tune, there are certain parts that are read (much like a Hollywood score) with the wailing tune of Eichah (Lamentations). These small contrasts in the Megillah send a sharp message - While it seems that we are all generally happy, we cannot ignore the plight of those suffering amongst us. This is, in part, why the mitzvot of the day include the giving of gifts to our friends, as well as the giving of charity to the poor (which must be distributed on that day!) Moreover, it only underscores that hindsight is 20/20. We can laugh at the Megillah now because we know how it ends, but the people of Shushan didn't.

Maybe we should look at the deceased members of the family in Jersey, Plonit's leukemia, and even Terri Schiavo's condition as incomplete manuscripts so to speak. Sure the events are currently tragic, and we don't understand their meaning or place in G-d's greater plan - but we can all hope for a happy ending for each of them, and then, in hindsight it will all come together.

Chag Sameach and a Freilichen Purim!

Skating

I took Mitch ice skating with our synagouge yesterday. This was essentially his second time on the ice - we had taken him last year when he was 2. Last year, in the hour we were on the ice, he hated the first 45 minutes of it, but then loved the next 15. This year I couldn't get him off the ice - he loved every minute of it. He wouldn't even let me sneak away and skate on my own for five minutes.

I really thought that I would be able to teach him how to skate, but it just didn't quite work out that way. While he was able to take some instruction - like keep your feet straight - it was limited. But all in all I am glad that he likes it. I bought him some in-line skates in Janbuary (they were dirt cheap on a post-holiday sale), and now I know that he will be ready to learn how to use them when the summer comes. I want to encourage him enough so that he gives it a fair shot, without pushing it to the point where he resents it because of my persistance or that he feels pressured into excelling because of my desires. It's definitely a tough balance to strike.

So for now, it will just be about a dad trying to teach his son how to skate.

Discipline

My son's teacher called us last week to tell us that he has been acting out in class lately, won't listen, etc. It seems that some of the younger kids are acting silly, which is fine for the younger kids, but that he is acting out as well, and that they expect more from him because he is older and supposed to be more mature.

I was a little taken aback by this, but not the least bit surprised, because they could have very well have been describing me at the same age. I have a lot of fond memories and learned a lot of wonderful thing in my early years - some good, some bad - that being said, the onthing I need to do for my son right now for his own benefit is to set boundaries for him - not significant ones per se, but ones that will set a positive precedent for him going forward.

For example, he likes to go to the library. Maybe set up a way where he can earn a weekly trip to the library by cleaning up, behaving, etc. One of our friends do this with their 4 and a half year old - they give him a 'special trip' with Mom or Dad when he gets enough rewards.

My little boy is growing up, and it seems he has a lot of me in him. I just need to take the extra steps to ensure that he keeps the good things that he inherits from daddy, and gets rid of the bad ones.

The fine line between touting your child's talents and bragging

I am not what you might call a 'power blogger', but I also ocassionally read other blogs on the web and post comments as they relate. One blog that I read on ocassion is Megan Morrone's. Actually it was watching her old TV show - The Screen Savers - that I first learned about blogging, and catalyzed me to getting here to begin with. That being said, as the mom of a 2-year old with twins on the way - I can definitely relate.

I visited her blog the other day and I read a post of hers regarding a visit to the Doctors and the concept of parental pride. As I opined earlier this week. Mitch is bright enough and charming enough that other people seemingly take notice. (Granted, I am not sure sometimes if they are just being polite, or if they are being serious.) But does it really matter if he is the smartest in his class? Or if he has the top grades? Or if he goes to a State School instead of an Ivy League school? Will I be mortified if he becomes a basketweaver or a handyman even if I think that he is capable of more (so long as he can support himself and is happy, of course)?

Of course the proud parent in me gets excited everytime he does something new, especially if it isn't something that someone his age is supposed to do (For example, he can count to ten in 4 or 5 languages, but only by rote - since he is not so keen on adding yet :) ).

I also would like to think that I will know his potential and what he is capable of. He doesn't need to be the best in his class, but the best that he can be. Even if this is the case, I will still be dissapointed if he is not an "A" student, only because of the fact that I am his father and think that he is the greatest gift to mankind (since me, of course :) ).

For now though, I will simply enjoy him each day and revel at the 'crafts' he brings home from pre-school.

Brothers

My wife always wanted a girl. Whenever we go into stores selling kids clothes, she always oogles the frilly dresses and skirts, and while it takes us 5 minutes to pick out a baby gift for a boy, she spends at least 30 minutes agonizing over the various choices for a girl's present.

Needless to say, I wholehearedly agree with her when she says that she wouldn't trade our two little boys in for all of the girls in the world. Neither would I.

Brothers have different bonds than sisters do. Sisters can be the best of friends. My wife and her sister talk at least once a week, and can gab on a variety of subjects. I have two brothers - one 2 years my junior and one 20. I will speak with them on average once or twice a month, and each conversation will seldom last for more than five minutes. In the event that I speak to them more often or for longer it's usually for practical matters - i.e. 'Hey I'm here, where are you?' or 'Can you help with this computer problem', etc.

But at the same time, we can go to a ball game, watch the movies that my wife will never go to - spending 2-3 hours together without uttering a word except for the ocassional high-five and grunts of delight at our entertainment choices.

That being said, It was great growing up with a little bro two years my junior. Sure it was annoying at times, but I also had a built-in playmate and sparring partner (much to my mom's chagrin. I hope Mitch doesn't send Mikey to the emergency room at all, yet alone as much as I sent my brother Yussie there when we were growing up.) Someone to talk to about girls and other things when you didn't feel like opening up to mom or dad.

I watch Mitch and Mike together, I start to see the begginings of this - the horsing around, and Mitch wanting to take advantage of Mikey's stature, but also Mitch trying to teach him things and giving him hugs and kisses (see the picture from the other day).

Granted I am grateful that we have been blessed with two healthy children, and that we diddn't have much difficulty getting there, but beyond that I think that it is wonderful that they will have each other for growing up and the long haul.

Now if only I can find a way to bond more with my own brothers in my already busy schedule.

We are their role models - proceed with caution

Last night my wife got upset at me during dinner - regardless of what it was about - in anger she pounded the kitchen counter. A split-second later my oldest did the same. We all had a good laugh, and then we looked at each other as if to say - we need to be careful in front of the kids.

Obviously Mitch has been mimicing us for years now, and Mikey has already started to mimic the three of us. It's amazing how much that we do in action and deed trickles into their vernacular and eventually their subconcious.

Every day I grow more and more cognizant of this, and I think to myself, how should I behave to show Mitch how to behave. While I have cleaned up my language a bit (not just the content, but also the tone) and offer Mitch the gentle reminder (i.e. Say Thank you, What's the magic word, etc.), Faigy and I haven't really changed all that much, and yet by all accounts, Mitch is a polite and considerate child (except when it comes to sharing toys with his brother, but we're working on that). Maybe we are doing something right afterall?

I just hope he never picks up on our bad habits

Hearing it from someone else

Our son's school is getting a new principal next year, and he just happened to be at our synagouge yesterday morning to meet with some of the parents. As our Rabbi introduced me to the principal, he indicated that my son was very bright.

I didn't know what to make of it. I think it is hard for us to be good judges of Our kids abilities, simply because we're biased. So it was really good to hear it from someone else that they felt our child was a bright boy. I just hope he stays that way for a while :)

The first signs of maturity...

Whenever I talk to new first-time parents and share in their joy of their child's 'firsts', I often find myself reminding them that while the first year or so is about physical development - sitting up, crawling, standing, walking, using their hands to grab and clap, and eating more and more solid food - The second and third years are about cognitive development - talking, learning, playing etc. Of course, as my oldest is only three, I couldn't really get a bead on years 4 and 5. But I am starting to see a new trend emerging - maturity.

Yes, I know maturity is a relative thing. Ask my wife and she will tell you that I am only a couple of years on the maturity scale above my kids. But I think that this is best way to describe what is going on inside his little head.

He hasn't started doing too many new things that he didn't do before, but the difference is in how he does them. For example, before when he didn't want to go to sleep, or when he first woke up, and mom and dad wouldn't let him out of his room, he would scream until he was blue in the face. Now, he accepts reality by going to his bookcase and taking out a book to read. I can't tell you how many nights I've gone up to check on him where he was reading a book - or where he was fast asleep with an open book still clenched in his hand.

It is just truly amazing how the little helpless baby we brought home from the hospital not much more than 3 years ago now resembles a little boy.

The Library

I took both of my boys to the library last night. Usually I just take Mitch, but now that Mikey is 1, and since I was home yesterday, I thought that I would take them both.

The library is more than just a place for books these days. When I was a kid we'd go to our local library every other Friday with my mom. We would take out bunches of books and manage to go through the limit of ten we were allowed in the two-week timespan. I also remember the 15-minute or so walk home, and how my mom kept reminding me that it was dangerous to walk in the street and read at the same time.

But our local library is just a little bit different, maybe because of technology, or maybe because of the fact that it's in the burbs' as compared to Brooklyn.

First off they have these tiny little plastic computer desks with washable and somewhat indestructible keyboards for kids. These computers have a whole compliment of age-appropriate games for pre-schoolers and 1st and 2nd graders. (There is another section of computers for kids in higher grades). They have a full-fledged computer resource room for kids complete with homework help, and they also have some cozy reading spaces (which are currently limited during their construction).

This is all good, but they are currently working on a great new place that sounds more like a museum or theme park kind of atmosphere for kids than the usual library. It's called The Trove and it will be done sometime next year. Just in time for Mitch to fully appreciate our trips there.

He's really growing up...

I took my son for an interview at his school for next year. My guess it that the teachers want to observe him at play and see if he is cognitiviely where one should be at his age, and make sure that there is nothing wrong with him. This is basically set up as a half hour of playtime with him being observed by one of the teacher. I was a bit worried that he wouldn't be able to sit on his own let me leave him behind, but twice yesterday (the second time was at his pre-school earlier that morning), he simply said goodbye to me, and that was that. I was convinced that because it was a rare occassion that dad took him to school, and because he would be in a strange place with a strange person, that I was in for at least a few minutes of him crying, but he was a-ok.

On the way out of the school, we met a handful of our friends and neighbors picking up their kids. I think that this is going to be a great school for him in more ways than one.

The Library

I took both of my boys to the library last night. Usually I just take
Mitch, but now that Mikey is 1, and since I was home yesterday, I thought that I would take them both.

The library is more than just a place for books these days. When I was a kid we'd go to our local library every other Friday with my mom. We would take out bunches of books and manage to go through the limit of ten we were allowed in the two-week timespan. I also remember the 15-minute or so walk home, and how my mom kept reminding me that it was dangerous to walk in the street and read at the same time.

But our local library is just a little bit different, maybe because of technology, or maybe because of the fact that it's in the burbs' as compared to Brooklyn.

First off they have these tiny little plastic computer desks with washable and somewhat indestructible keyboards for kids. These computers have a whole compliment of age-appropriate games for pre-schoolers and 1st and 2nd graders. (There is another section of computers for kids in higher grades). They have a full-fledged computer resource room for kids complete with homework help, and they also have some cozy reading spaces (which are currently limited during their construction).

This is all good, but they are currently working on a great new place that sounds more like a museum or theme park kind of atmosphere for kids than the usual library. It's called The Trove and it will be done sometime next year. Just in time for Mitch to fully appreciate our trips there.

I think I need to add it to a the donation list.

.... in more ways than one...

We have also been trying to toilet train Mitch as well. My wife and I have him in underwear for part of the day and encourage him to go. I am in the live and let live camp - i.e. tell me when you have to go. She tries to get him to go on a schedule. In either case we know are efforts are starting to pay off, as he went to the bathroom himself today for the very first time.

Hopefully he will learn to do that regularly between now and September.