Friday, May 04, 2007

She wore an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot ...Yarmulka?

I came across this article in the Jerusalem Post entitled My Story: In a story that sounds (as the author admits) like it was a scripted chick flick plot, she dates a Jewish man (she is not Jewish), then when he breaks up with her, she pretends to be Jewish and stalks him out on JDate.

Seemingly the crux of her article (which isn't very clear) is that when she puts on her Jewish Mask, but talks and acts the same, somehow he finds her acceptible. Yet under her normal shiksa face, he has no interest.

What the author doesn't seem to get is that there is a lot more to life than walks on the beach in Haifa. Relationships have many stages and levels. As a relationship progresses from one level to the next one some of the things that don't matter to us in the shorter term, start to matter a lot more when we start to think long term. When I was in college I often got embroiled in the 'Why do you only date Jewish people?' argument.  People called it discriminatory, but I called it being selective. They would argue back and forth with me about it until I used this analogy, or something along with it:

Let's say you love dogs. You have two of your own, you spend as much time with them as possible. Obviously when you are dating, you prefer someone who likes dogs, but that is not your most important requirement. You start dating someone, and the first few dates go well, you decide its time to introduce her to your dogs... Only to find out, she hates dogs (or even worse, she's allergic). She hates them with a passion to the point where she won't go to your apartment without insisting you lock them up. How would that make you feel? How would that change your long-term outlook on the relationship? While you don't mind locking up the dogs now, you know that in your heart of hearts, long term, you can't put the dogs in the bedroom for 40 years, nor are you willing to abandon them completely, or visit them on weekends at your parents house. Clearly, even though you were willing to date her initially, your relationship came to a point where her attitude towards dogs mattered.


For some, it wouldn't have even gotten that far, for their love of dogs precluded them from even thinking about dating anyone less than a dog lover. I apply the same thoughts to Religion. If religion matters to you - at any level in life - at some point you will want someone who is compatible with your religion. For me, it was a forethought, for the guy who is the subject of this article, its an afterthought, but nevertheless, it entered his long-term vision. Unfortunately, the author of this article doesn't get that. Maybe in time she will.

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